Bum Crumb

A few things that have been troubling or have always troubled me:

Is anyone else completely incompetent when it comes to folding a newspaper back to its original state. I attempt to fold it, then get flustered and leave it in a giant piled up mess on the table. That is why, I have given up all efforts to read the newspaper. If I need to be informed, I get my information from collegehumor.com, because its always accurate and folds up neatly on your computer screen.

I am also finding that I am unable to obtain credit cards from stores. I attempted to apply for the Victoria Secret card, all so I could get free underwear, but alas, as usual I was not approved. You can't get a credit card with out credit, but how do you get credit then if you can't get the card? I will now try applying for a shell credit card, hopefully it will work out. Who knows!

Also, it appears that NC hwy 55 has become the hub for homeless beggers. But they also seem to be wearing those reflector vests. Do you think the state stepped in and said, "Look sir, you can badger all the people you want for money, but you will be doing it in a reflector vest. We don't want any lawsuits on our hands, where you'll get money just because you got hit." I hate that sad look they give you and if they have half a limb, they really try to play it up by limping really badly. I don't carry cash on me, and very little change, there is nothing I could give them. If I had food, maybe I'd give it up. But I'm not going to give to some man on the street, when I don't know if my money really will go to his starving family or his starving appetite for alcohol. So when I do decide to hand out money, it will be to charity. Because those people really can get a job, (unless they have psychological disorders, which I understand is about 50 percent of homeless people), because I have a friend who lives out of his car by choice and has a job, dresses fine and is sanitary, he finds ways to make it work and he has plenty of money now.

I don't understand those erector set like spoilers on the backs of shitty cars. It looks so dumb. Its obvious its been added to the car. Its never on nicer looking cars though, its on beat up hondas from the 80s? I want to know what the appeal is.

Finally, I am pissed with Beyond Fitness. I have been mad now for about a week and a half. They closed the Wavery Place one because they got evicted since they dont pay their rent. And everyday that I go to the NW maynard one, they tell me ohh they'll be opening in (insert three days ahead of what day it is). Finally they said that they will be opening tomorrow or today. Tomorrow being the latest that it will be. But I'm willing to bet, that when I go to the maynard one, that they will tell me its not opening now till Saturday. Fuck you Beyond Fitness.

That is all for now, gotta get back to play literati at work.

I am important and useful

Today at work was spent getting sucked deep into hours of college humor articles written by Aaron Karo, while occasionaly answering the phone and passing time on Drew's online test for him. I hold much importance at this job. But as bathroom trips and trips to the front desk are frequent, I get to see a lot of people...

Does anyone else enjoy walking into the bathroom at work and noticing that some lady has obviously been taking a shit, but upon hearing the bathroom door open, she quickly wraps up her dropping session, waits till you get in a stall, then hurrys to wash her hands and rushes out the bathroom, all so I won't know it was she that was taking that odious dump. I chuckle to myself and go about taking my daily work shit and pray that someone like me doesn't come and interrupt that moment. I feel bad for that woman who prematurely had to leave and might be waddling into her office now. But really, not all that bad.

Does anyone else enjoy that awkward moment in the hallway at the office, where someone passes you and you don't know if you should say Hi, or smile? Those are the moments when doing all this important work is really worth it. I like to aid to it but looking at these people a little too long and they too are unsure of what to do.

There is also a lady who works here that looks like Ms., oh lord I can't remember her name. It started with a B, she taught math at Athens. I had her to algebra 1. She was kind of a bitch, everyone thought she was a lesbian, had really short hair, she ended up getting cancer and leaving. Anyone know who I'm talking about. Anyway, this lady looks just like her, but is even stranger. She sits in the kitchen area, eating her lunch and watching the tv screen that sometimes just says, this channel is out of commission or some shit like that, all the while looking like a preying mantis.

---- some non work related issues that really irk my balls

Safety google sized sunglasses. Ok any over sized sun glasses. This trend has been going strong now for TWO years! When is it going to phase out already? I admit, I took part of it by wearing the medium oversized sunglasses, but they both broke and I moved on. The real reason us girls wear these sunglasses is A. because they make our hair look better. b. because we hungover and look disgusting or are just plain ugly to begin with, or too damn lazy to put make up on. C. because people think its cool because Nicole Richie does it. Well I'm here to tell you, that whether you spent 200 dollars on your dolce and gabbana ones or 1o bucks at target, you look like a bug and you're not fooling me. I know an unattractive face is shinning brightly underneath your spaceship sized glasses. Nicole Richie looks dumb in them and so do you. I would also like to add that Kathryn and I had to spend 30 minutes in Nordstrom to find an even remotely small pair of sunglasses and I some what succeeded. For ten bucks, I took what I could get.
(i know ross, you've been feeding me this shit for a year, you don't have to say it.)

Does anyone else cringe at the noise when they are scraping your teeth with that pick thing at the dentist. It really makes me want to die.

Just to remind everyone, there are only two weeks before the Journey concert, so go get your tickets.

And finally the last thing that really irks my balls, is that all the girls with small titties get cute bra options. I have been proclaiming the amazingness of the Semi Annual Sale for a month and a half and planned out my budget and exact time and location that I would be able to be there on the first day. But low and behold, once again us big titty girls get the shaft. I mean its still VS so they are still the world's greatest bras. But we don't get all the cute options that small titted girls get. So next time youre staring in the mirror at your small titties, wanting larger ones, jsut think when sale time comes around you wont be able to buy ones with the polka dots or hot bows. Damnit Victoria Secret, why must I love you soo much?

Fatty bo Batty

Upon my recent trip to Disney World, it became all too apparent that America really is one big giant Fat Ass. The fat people outnumbered and outweighed the skinny ones. And Disney didn't help to contribute to the fat farm by only providing foods like hotdogs, cheese burgers and pizza. There were salads and such, but you had to stand in long lines to get the healthy food.

I understand some people are born with genetics and builds that automatically make them overweight, but you could tell most of these people did not fall into that catergory. This isn't a post saying I hate fat people, but it is saying what the hell happened to everyone?

In elementary school, there was usually only one or two fat kids and they got ruthlessly made fun of by the trailer trash and snobby kids. And those kids either went on to lose weight or continue to be chubby. But if you drive past a playground now, over 50 percent of those kids are FAT ASSES and they probably pick on the few skinny kids because they dont have their own tire to play with.

With the rise of more and more healthy food options being available, I would think people would be losing weight a lot more easily, but no people are just getting fatter and fatter. Then you have the people who are like, "I'm too busy to work out" or "I'm just not able to lose weight", of course you can't when youre stuffing your face with McDonalds french fries and I'm sure most people do have the time, theyre just too lazy.

Ok.. so being over weight is one thing, but if you can dress yourself well, then its not really that big of a problem. But its the fatty girls that think by wearing smaller clothes they'll look skinner, that give fat people a bad name. ATTENTION ALL GIRLS WITH FAT ROLLS, wearing a shirt thats 2 times too small and your rolls are visible or hanging out IS NOT ATTRACTIVE and it only makes you look fatter. And lastly, just because your skinny friends are wearing bikinis, does not make it ok for you to wear a bikini. and if youre past the age of like 40, please dont wear a bikini, even if youre in shape, you still look gross. Accept that youre older please. Also to those big boobied women, please cover them up accordingly, no one wants to see your sag.

Just getting a quickie in

I hate you, yes you, the jackass that comes speeding up on the off ramp during traffic and cuts all of, by squeezing in the line, half a mile in front of where you should have been
.
Who are you Mr. Im more important and busy than you that you think you're special enough to get in front of all us. I know your tricks. I'm not letting you in. To quote a great scene from Sex and the city, "You're just soooo BUSY.. SO busy!!!!!!" *when Carrie is pissed right after Berger breaks up with her* You know, we're all trying to go somewhere and maybe even where we are going is more important than where you're going. No, can't be actually, because we're all patient enough to wait in the line like were supposed to, instead of being a shit head and speeding in front of all us, fooling people into thinking you're getting off the highway, but NO no you're not... youre just gonna squeeeeeeze in with us. Jackass. I don't like people like you and I don't let people like you in.
And you shit smear girl, speeding along the side of Kildaire, right before it becomes one lane, near the entrance of Matties neighborhood. It gets really backed up around 5 and you just think cus youre some girl that you can speed along there and wave all cutesy to some boy and hell let you in. Well of course he did... gah.

Fuck all of you people cutting ahead of the line. Didn't we learn the importance of line making in kindergarten, aside from the finger in the air motion, we learned how to be quiet, wait our turn and stay in line. The next person that does that anywhere near me, im gonna put half my car in that line and flick them off and pray to god they dont have a shot gun in their car.
and if I'm in the car with someone who does that, they are getting a firm kicking to nuts or cunt punt.

I don't really like you.

A few things that bother me:

I hate radio talk shows more than anything. I have a half an hour drive to work every morning, I want to hear music, not overweight unattactive 40 something year olds talking about their adventures in life, which aren't even interesting. The only stations that play music in the morning are 100.7 (which is perfectly fine, except they play a lot of commercials), 101.5, 93.9, and 98.7. But even then they are playing commercials and often bad music. I swear if any of my friends go into radio business and talk on the radio in the morning for like 4 hours a day, I will come back, find them at the studio and slit their throat right there in front of their ugly co workers, who only have a good voice and thats why they got the job. Play some fucking music already.

As I was watching TV this weekend I noticed a commercial about an auto mechanic school called Universal Technical Institute. But instead of calling it by its full name, they kept refering to it, along with having its webaddress like this... U.T.I. This school is obviously not geared towards girls in the slightest. Because I would not join a school that went by the name U.T.I., that can only bring bad news. Their advertisement and corporate people all must be guys, because no woman would let a school go by that. Can guys even get U.T.I.'s?

I'm really sick of my chocoholism. When we went to ECU there was a plethora of desserts everyday and night, so I certainly ate my share full, now that I'm home and don't have dessets readily at my disposal, I go out of my way t get big FATTENING chocolate cakes and desserts. I must stop, or I'm gonna be like that fat girl in the TLC video for Unpretty, where she hoards the cake slices in tuperwear under her bed.

I also am very annoyed by the large fucking Greek Letters in profiles. There is no need to make them so large or to even advertise it in there. Don't be proud that you're paying for your friends and popping your collars. Take off your North Face Backpacks, your sunglasses on strings and your tight sear sucker shorts from ralph lauren. Or do you just want me to make fun of you to your face?

and most importantly, Caitlin Burch and I are sick of all the fucking degenerates. We're sick of them!

Gym Maniacs

As I have recently been going to the beyond fitness on a regular basis now (thank god), I've been noticing things that go on there. I occasionally see people that we knew from highschool and try to look really sucked into my working out, so A. they won't notice and B. if they do notice, they'll think I'm too busy to talk. Because face it, we weren't really friends in highschool, why do I want to talk to you and pretend I care how the last year of your life went? I don't. Anyway... but what I see more often than kids from highschool are overly buff dudes, grunting and sweating up a storm.

First off...being so buff that you could lay your arm on me and it would pretty much knock me over, is gross. Having every muscle toned in your body is really disgusting. Not only is your skin wrapped so tightly around your bones and muscle, but your head looks disproportional to the rest of you. But anyway.. you konw if you choose to look like an ape.. thats all you, but don't come the gym grunting like one. No ones impressed that you can lift like 500 pounds with one arm, i would hope you could with muscles like that. Its seriously pathetic, I know I write a lot of posts about people trying to hard, but I had to do this one. These guys, and few girls (which is even grosser than guys being that buff) will get on these machines and theyll lift a lot of weight, but grunt while doing it, not in like a REAL straining away, more in a way to have people look at them, because then they proceed to slam their weights down as hard as they possibly can (which may be why half of the machines are broken!), and then look around, like looking to see if anyone noticed. I'm not kidding, I've witnessed this on several occasions.

Seriously, you're going to the gym, thats great.. helping America not look like the Michelin Man's cousin, but don't come to impress people or try to pick up girls who arent interested in your disgustingness.

On another note, not only do I not understand your want to look like an ape, but why do you have to wear little American Gladiator outfits. Maybe you are training for one of thats stupid competitions, but there is no need for you to come to the gym in your onesie spandex bikershorts attached to a tank top that doesnt even cover your nips. It makes me want to vomit, which actually might help me lose weight.. so hey.


Finally a note to the boys on the weight machine near what I call the "sex machines" or you know the ones you sit down at and you open and close your legs and works out the muscles in your thighs. Well I'd appreciate it if you stopped trying to look up my shorts when I'm working out, THANKS. Bastard.